Sunday, March 13, 2011



Ever since 5th grade I’ve been seeing girls differently, not in a sexual way, but, the way I see guys. I’d stare if they’re completely gorgeous, blush if I get nervous around them, trip, fall, look stupid in front of the ones I find attractive/cute.
I’ve tried dating a girl once, her name was Stephanie. She was my first girlfriend (from school). It was awkward and only my closest friends knew about it, but I ended up not really liking her that way. Eh, she was too fast. She just wanted me for my body, etc;
I’ve dated many girls online, and by text, but, it’s a lot different in real life, because you never know who’s going to turn their back on you for the last time.
I like girls more than guys, to be honest. I have like, a penisaphobia kind of thing. They scare me. But I love guys, as individuals. I’m just not into the whole, “sex thing” with them.
I’ve never kissed a girl before, and I got my first kiss from a boy last summer (of 2008).
My mom has asked me multiple times if I was gay (homosexual). I said no, because it’s true. I’m not. Im bisexual. My mom and I aren’t very close like I wish we were. My dad left us and I have a super nosey sister who seems to not be able to stay out of my business.
I write songs to express all the stress I have in this life time. I used to cut myself, not very smart, I know. My mom sent me to a counselor and I feel a bit better now. I haven’t cut in almost a year! it’s been 9 months.
But, my mom found out because of the scars. I ended up writing her letters a lot now a days. It seems like the easiest way to let out what’s on my mind. That’s how I explained the fact of why I cut myself and why I hated my life. No dad, no friends, the usual bullies and evil sister.
But, I’m scared to write a letter to my mom about being bisexual, even though she thinks I’m gay. She’s getting there I guess. I’m WAY too freaked out to talk to her. What should I do?

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